Out of a sense of morbid curiosity, a friend and I went to the theatre some time back and watched Twilight.

It was painful.

So I had a look at the book (online, didn't pay for it, THANK GOD) to see if it was as bad, found that the movie was much better because I didn't have to slog through Stephenie Meyer's horrible prose, and that book...

...well...words won't do it justice. I'm a writer as well, and I watched in horror as the English language and the written word were beaten and molested to a horrifying degree. The author obviously didn't do research on diddly-squat, especially biology (which I majored in before switching to languages, so this is especially insulting) and vampire lore, the characters were superficial things that gave cardboard cutouts bad names, not to mention that Bella is the most raging Mary Sue character outside of the internet...and the plot was pretty silly, too.

I haven't even gotten to the sparkling vampires yet. But I'll refrain from comment, since it would involve too much profanity.

Suffice to say, I'll stick with the classics and Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee as the Man himself.

Anyway, what boggles the mind is that this is popular. It can't be that I'm biased against sappy pre-teen love stories, since I readily admit that books of any genre can be good. Seriously, though, what is it that people like about this? Is it JUST Edward Sparklepants? Because if it is, just watch a Jude Law movie for a hotter man, because he is an UNEARTHLY kind of attractive, a good age, and he doesn't sparkle.

Jude Law = hot and British.
Edward Cullen = sparkly and abusive.

Speaking of actors, I feel bad for Robert Pattison. He's now the unfortunate target of millions of fanbrats. =/

Twilight, you're like that person in high school who's an unbearable asshole, but inexplicably popular for some reason. WHY?